Fallout 76: A Rolling Review

It’s reclamation day! Apparently.

As a long-time NOT Fallout player, I was curious about this new one in a morbid kind of way after some of the interesting reactions from fans upon the game’s announcement. And more so as Bethesda seemed to not know how to market this game because as more info came out, it seemed to be more of a mess.

More interesting though, was how a guy like me, a NOT a Fallout player with limited time to sink into a massive open world RPG would review it. and I came up with this.

So, welcome to my rolling review of Bethesda’s Fallout 76.

DAY ONE

A 50Gb 4K patch for the Xbox One X that seemed to be taking forever – not entirely surprising that this perpetual online game was struggling online day one.

I’ll forgive the delay to my playing. But this massive day one patch shit (I’m looking at you, Black Ops 4) really needs to stop. Stick it on a second disc or make the 4K textures an optional download so we can play while it’s in the background, downloading.

the install got to 99% before the little indie western game I was playing (let’s call it Shed, Shmed, Shmedemption) was interrupted to tell me it was ready to play. At about the same point I was going to bed!

DAY TWO

I finally got the game on and the opening screen etc look gorgeous (thanks, 4K texture pack).

Meanwhile, having organised with podcast mate John for a little online, I’m getting texts saying he won’t be on tonight because his game is downloading. (Thanks, 4K texture pack).

So off I went on my own, into the wasteland.

After a very nice pre-rendered video introducing the vault, and far too long loading male face #1 up with a topknot and scars on the left side of his face, I was free to roam around the eerily empty halls of Vault 76. The atmosphere is interesting, as I’m directed by recordings from “The Overseer”, we walk through a mini tutorial of stuff as we are directed to the exit.

Interesting though, there are no control tutorials here. It’s heavily assumed that you are a Fallout veteran with little in the way of guidance for the basics. Most importantly, I spent my first two hours walking around things because hitting A didn’t make me jump.

Why the hell is Y jump?

The most stand out issues though, were the technical ones.

First, considering the install required, and just how gorgeous the first impressions of this game are, why does it look so bland and boring?

In a world that includes games like Red Dead Redemption and Horizon: Zero Dawn, to have foliage that doesn’t react realistically when you barge through it and hands that STILL look like Corvo’s digits from the first Dishonored game really is not acceptable any more. And I know it’s not all about about the graphics. of course it isn’t. It’s about the gameplay.

Fuck this game’s gameplay.

A long and boring arse slog through a bland wasteland that looks the same as every video to every Fallout game I’ve seen on youtube.

And that’s if the FUCKING GAME COULD STAY CONNECTED TO THE GOD DAMNED MOTHERFUCKING SERVERS!!!

Bethesda, don’t force me to play online all the time and not make your servers worth a shit.

And talking about online…

While I praise Beth’s “Pacifist Mode”, a setting that forces you to purposely opt-in to PvP modes that means players can’t kill you and vice-versa. But it didn’t stop three massive twat-flaps from crowding  around me and forcing me to quit out of the world to log back in (and lose a bunch of progress – how the fuck do I save?) just to get the fuck away from them. But it’s ok, it took ten minutes to get back into the damn game. Because… Servers.

For fuck’s sake.

At this point, I gave up and went to bed.

Where I had nightmares of mashing the damn Y button to jump. Why the hell is Y JUMP??!!??

DAY THREE

John is still struggling with downloads so I’m heading off to the wasteland alone again,

Where I precede to get griefed by more swarming skid marks and get killed by a Super infected something-or-other and have to run the length of the map to get my shit back from the place I died.

Fuck you.

Game ejected and uninstalled. And so ends my attempt to play a Fallout game.

And so ends, pretty abruptly, my rolling review.

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